Reflextion on the other side - Part 1- Yat

 

The power of words.

Now that I have a day or two to process what we have achieved.  I have a little reflection after The Hadrian's Wall Trek.

I'm a social introvert by natural so I don't normally engage conversation with just anyone.   I'm rubbish at small talks but I always understand the power of words.

Anxiety and depression is something we all know about and experienced in our lives. From a young child to being an adult I'd say everyone would have emotional issues at some point. The difference is how you deal with it before it developed into something more damaging.  I'd like to think I was always able to keep my emotion intact and not letting it go over the edge.  And I like to think everyone around me deals with it the same way.

The first time I was made aware with someone who had depression and require to take medication was a work colleague. For the few months we worked together, I never treated him any differently and never really asked about his condition or wellbeing as he seem completely normal to me.  Unfortunately,  he happened to took his own life one day and it really came to me as a shock.  You never thought it would happen to someone you know. Should I have spoken to him about it in the last few months? Would it made any difference?  Its something that I'll never know and l'll have to live with that for the rest of my live.  And on the very same day, Christine had confess to me that she is depressed.  What do I do?

I remember taking her to our GP as she wanted to talk to a doctor privately first.  I was in the waiting room thinking to myself - Why is she not happy? When did it begin?  How did it happen?  What is she depressed about?  What can I do about it? Is it something I've done?  Is it the kids?  Unfortunately it was the kind of questions I'm bombarding her with initially which does not help the situation.

There was a fear and anxiety developed within me as well - What if it IS me who is causing her depression?  What can I do? What have I done wrong?  Am I a bad husband/father?  What do I need to do to make this right? Is she going to be OK?  Am I going to find her dead on the couch when I come home? Who's going to do the banking? Would I be able to afford the house on my own? How will I cope with 3 kids? Many many questions flowing constantly in my head at the time.

It was very difficult during the diagnostic stage as Christine is still not very open or forthcoming with how she feels.  As much as I need to know why and I wanted to help and do the right thing, I know I can't push her!  It was such a strange period of our relationship as Christine suddenly becomes a stranger to me and not my partner for the last 25 years.  I was constantly in fear that something I say or do might upset or trigger her, and had to make sure the kids life are as normal as possible whilst she is recovering. Working life was also difficult as Christine is all I can think about and I can't concentrate. It sounded very bad to say this but it was all very draining and exhausting. I feel tried all the time and start to worry about my own wellbeing as a result.  How do I keep on if Christine doesn't get better?  I was lucky that I have friends that I can reach out to and talk with.  Suffering alone would have made the situation much much worse!

Thankfully,  the medication, the coping mechanisms, the wellbeing techniques and being able to talk to experts really helped Christine's situation and we are on the other side.  We have always been open and honest with each other but we have now learn to share and talk a lot more without the fear of being judge by each other.  We are able to spot signs of any trigger points, take a step back and talk before it goes anywhere being out of control

And that is the whole point.  No matter how you might think something is bizarre or morbid or embarrassing - just talk about it!  The more you talk about it, the more normal it is.  Anxiety or depression is not a weakness or a flaw.  Its normal and it requires strength and courage to bring it to people's attention so you don't suffer in silence.  There are many charity such as Mind who can help people in need.  The first step is to reach out and talk!

As much as I don't like small talk, a 'Hello!' or 'How you doing?'  could save a life.

Lets keep talking!

Yat